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Tis about ohh almost 6 am. I've been up since about... 5:30. Sleep just felt.. boring at the moment.



This means I sit here and think of random things. First random thought of delirious babble:



I miss electric blankets.



No.. really. I do.



I miss how you could like turn them on and your bed would be all warm.. and your blankets would be all cozy even before you jumped into bed. How nice it was to feel all toasty and fall asleep.



Now ya hear they cause cancer, cook your insides, give you some kind of brain malfunction, cause you to be sterile, so on and so forth.



I don't think think I want to risk my ovaries holding dozens upon dozens of little eggs that have turned sunny-side up because I felt the need to be warm.



Speaking of that.. Now I want toast.. and eggs.



-wanders off-

These have been the worst three days I have experienced since I've had my surgery. I guess 3 days out of two years isn't quite something to complain about.



I really need some kind of relief.



Nerve pain in itself hurts horribly, but when it happens in the same spot over and over and then goes down one leg to the other, it can be unbearable.



I've spent the better part of three days in bed. It totally sucks.





I am so not diggin' this.

Bah.

I am angry and I have every right to be.



So far I cannot get the help I need. I've called a legal assistance place and they tell me "my income is to high". I have no income. Nothing. My dad at this point supports me. Because I was shuffled around and didn't get the proper medical attention when I did go into ER... I now have some disabilities. I am not sure if they are permanent, but I do have them.



My dad is on disability. So I am not sure how the 'income' is to much.



Basically because my dad cares enough about me to make sure I am alright and not out on the street, I am penalized. Because I've helped my family, I've not had any kids at a young age, I've not turned into some kind of person that lives on the street has like a billion kids so on and so forth... I cannot get help.



It pisses me off to no end. Those who make poor decisions are handed everything on some sort of silver platter, but those who REALLY need some sort of help, just simply cannot get it.



It's a bunch of crap.



I'm sick of not being helped because someone cares enough to make sure I am not in a gutter some place.



Ugh. Just.. Ugh.

Thank you all for your comments on my recent entry and the messages that were sent privately.



It is nice to know that there are people out there who do not thrive on just the pettiness in journals but also the entries that are a extension of that person.



I am leaning towards actually coming back and writing in here. I really was all prepared to just say 'I'm done'. Because let's face it, it seems as though angst is the new in. Well, not for this one.



If I do decide to write in here.. I will have little or no angst. I have no time for it, I do not enjoy it.





We will see.



And once again.. thank you. =)